And The World Falls Apart... (R'gar)

[Marnark]

She ... hadn't ever met a dragon? R'gar was shocked. She'd lived here and never met a dragon. Whereas he came from across the globe, and was promptly given one to raise. How ironic was that? "It's certainly odd." R'gar agreed, looking toward Apollath for a moment. If she was going to feel the brown over as thoroughly as she had Imp and the runner, she would be at it awhile! He was huge. Absolutely huge. And not even by far near the biggest dragon in the Weyr.

She is very nice, mine. She talks to me, instead of about me! You should like her. She is nice. Apollath told R'gar, making the Healer grunt. He turned his voice toward Prontin, and welcomed her. I would be honored! He answered her, scooting out of his couch while never getting off of his belly. Sprawling out on the floor so she would have an easier time reaching him, he rested his chin on the floor with his front feet flanking his jaw, wings lifting slightly to not be in the way.

R'gar watched that, and sighed. His dragon was going to do everything in his power to make life even more difficult for him. Encouraging her to stay and linger, when he needed to get her home. Not that he could blame Prontin one bit for wanting to see a dragon. "Be careful. Just like Imp, he's got talons. Only bigger. Don't trip on them." R'gar warned. And at that warning, all of Apollath's talons clicked downward onto the stone, rendering all of them useless.

Clearly, Apollath didn't want to give R'gar any reason to send Prontin away.

Mine likes you, he just won't admit it. Apollath told Prontin, privately. Really, why was it so difficult? If His liked a girl, he should just chase her, catch her and fly her. It wasn't like it was hard!

[Lady Smara]

Receiving the confirmation she had been hoping for, Prontin did not realize she had been holding her breath until she let it out with a smile. Careful to not spill the Klah she held, she let her other hand tug at the blankets that were still wrapped around her legs. Finding a way to free herself took a moment longer than it would have most, but when she did her smooth, pale legs stretched out and she searched for the edge of the bed she had been sitting on.

Thankful to find the cup of Klah free’d from her hand, she put the second one to work to help find the edge. Finding it, she slid off it, feeling the soft kiss of the material of R’gar’s shirt slide across her back side to hang just above mid-thigh. Following the edge of the bed, she reached out to find the stone of the wall and was glad that the bed was in fact sitting along it. Hand over hand, she followed the clicks she heard against the stone, guessing that it was the dragon making the noise as he moved.

It was the warm breath that tickled her bare legs and fluttered the cloth of the shirt that told Prontin that she would need to leave the wall to find the dragon. Having an idea of direction, she took a few timid steps before finding that warm hide of Apollath’s snout beneath her fingers once again. Now that she was not in panic of the storm, she was able to focus on the feel and textures that made up the dragon’s snout.

Several moments she spent exploring the tip of his nose before realizing that she was in fact at his face. Stepping to the side, she followed the snout upwards to discover the eyeridges. Tracing their shape, she followed them down around the eye to his jaw bones and back around his maw. She had to lean forward onto her tiptoes to even reach near the top of the brown’s giant head and even as the cotton of the shirt’s hem tickled her backside she let out a gasp of surprise at exactly how huge the dragon really was. Little did she know that he was still young enough to be still growing!

Hearing the dragon’s comment, it did not disorient her nearly as much now that she was able to realize she was not actually ‘hearing’ it like she would a person’s voice. It was still a strange sensation and even though she was leaning up against the dragon to be able to reach as high up as possible, she felt as if he was speaking even closer than that.

“R’gar is very kind to me.” She said as she moved slowly down the dragon’s neck. She thought the dragon had meant that the brown rider liked being her friend, and she was certainly left alone so often that she wasn’t about to turn away any form of a friendship.

[Marnark]

R'gar lifted the mug from her hand as she struggled with the blanket, keeping her from soaking herself or his bed with it. But he let her deal with the furs as she saw fit, aware that to her more than anyone else independence was valuable and treasured. He leaned over and set the mug on a nearby surface, resting his elbows on his knees again as he watched her make her way around the weyr. She was pretty good at navigating, he had to give her that. Especially since she had no idea where she was. But as long as she didn't stray near the ledge (granted it was raining out there still), he was willing to let her have at it.

She sure was trusting that the floor was level, too. R'gar hoped she didn't tumble into the dragon's sculpted couch. It wasn't much of a depression, but it was still certainly not level. More of a very vague concave spot worn into the stone from ages of dragons sleeping there.

Apollath squinted his eyes shut, feeling her hands feel him, breathing slow and easy as she explored his nostrils and then the rest of his head. His lips twitched when she reached that point, but he didn't bare his teeth. The last thing he wanted to do was get her hurt on his teeth, which were still very sharp due to his youth. He hadn't worn the edges off yet.

At her sharp inhalation, his eyes popped open again. Are you okay? he asked uncertainly, holding perfectly still just in case. Knocking her over wouldn't be good either! But he huffed in the end, in response to her comment.

R'gar's attention shifted as she mentioned that tid bit. Was Apollath talking to her about him? Why?? And for pete's sake, what about? What are you doing? he demanded of the dragon, earning an amused swirl in Apollath's eye in answer only. But despite himself, R'gar quirked a very small smile. He wasn't sure if Prontin was aware of his presence anymore, being so focused on the dragon... and talking about him too. But what she said was nice.

Not nearly as nice as he could be. He deliberately give you a cold shoulder because he thinks he shouldn't like you. He takes being a Healer too seriously I think. But he does like you. I just don't know how to get him to admit it. He thinks you're pretty, too. He offered. Kind? His was anything but kind to Prontin, in Apollath's mind. Deceptive, more like. Hardly kind.

[Lady Smara]

“I am okay.” She said, blushing slightly as she found the dragon’s shoulder and foreleg. Following it back down and around, she was surprised and pleased to find that a dragon had fingers similar to human’s, just not so many of them. They were complex in their own way so she spend a lot of time there, feeling them and the way the talons attached. “You just make me feel so small, Apollath. I had no idea dragons were so large.”

Hearing out the dragon’s words in her mind, she paused in her searching for a moment as she considered them. “A cold shoulder?” she asked, a little confused. Everything R’gar had done for her, from the first time she had ever met him to even now washing her clothes and giving her Klah she had always considered as kind acts. He was a nice person, with his little surprises and kindness – how could Apollath consider that R’gar not kind enough?

“I don’t think you understand, Apollath. Many people avoid me, the fact that R’gar was kind enough to visit me while my ankle healed and bring me outside in the sunlight and let me meet Imp. He has been nicer than I could have ever hoped for. I do not think he gives me a cold shoulder.”

It was the dragon’s last sentence that made Prontin do a double take. Pretty? Pretty was a word that her younger brother used when describing his crush or other young women in the Weyr. While she had heard the term used by her mother every now and then in reference to herself, she had not heard it from another. What did it mean if R’gar thought she was pretty? Turning her face in the direction where she had last heard R’gar moving, she gave a curious look at the stone wall.

“You told Apollath I was pretty?”

[Marnark]

Apollath crooned softly. I am a little dragon. Bigger than some, smaller than others. I am only Brown. The Bronzes and Golds are by far bigger than me. I am also young, yet. he admitted, sadly. He wasn't as impressive as he could be yet. But... smaller was better in this case. She wouldn't be able to 'see' as much of a bigger dragon!

He listened with amusement to the things she said aloud. Things that His could hear. And he was even more tickled when R'gar dropped his head into his hands. Out of frustration or embarrassment, it was hard to tell. R'gar sat in silence though, not interfering in a conversation he clearly had no power over.

Apollath was telling Prontin things that she didn't need to know. Shouldn't know. Things he ought not to have conceived in the first place. But what was he to do now? The cat was out of the bag, and no way to catch it again. He sighed and rested his chin on his fist when she directed a question at him.

"No. I didn't. I don't have to expressly tell him anything for him to know them. It works the other way, too." R'gar answered, trying to edge around the topic. There really wasn't any way out of it, either. Either he had to lie to her ... and hurt her in the process ... or admit to it and get into butt loads of trouble that way. He wasn't going to say anything to hurt her feelings. But neither was he going to drown it in other comments that might accidentally do the same thing. Like tell her there were lots of pretty girls in the Weyr. Silence on the topic was his best out, so far as he knew. Mostly because he didn't know exactly what Apollath had told her.

All of her other talk had been centered around niceness. People could be nice, there was nothing wrong with that. Truthfully, being nice was part of his job.

Apollath fluttered his wings a bit in frustration. Even with a stiff prod like that, the both of them were still at opposite ends of the stick. Hrm! Maybe His was right after all. Mine has merely been polite to you. Done what he promised you he would do. Mine has never been expressly nice to you. He restrains anything truly nice he might say or do for you. Everything he has done publicly has been merely professional. Apollath explained. I don't know why, but Mine refuses to admit he likes you. He refuses to let you know this. He refuses to consider it viable. He says he shouldn't. I don't see why. You are pretty, he thinks you are pretty. He could at least tell you so. Why make it complicated?

[Lady Smara]

Prontin had made sure to listen to R’gar carefully, after speaking to the dragon who’s voice seemed so close, the brown rider sounded far away. She did not think she had wandered so far away, but perhaps she had miscalculated, or perhaps it was the voice in her head that was throwing her sense of distance slightly off. She was not sure, but gave R’gar her attention all the same. Listening to his answer, she frowned. She did not understand how his dragon could know without him telling his dragon, the idea foreign to her as she had never experienced such a thing. Sure she could hear emotions sometimes in people’s voices, but rarely could she tell exactly what they were directed toward or about without asking further questions.

Beginning to move around the dragon’s talons to continue down its body, Prontin began to understand what the dragon was saying to her, even if a little slowly. Letting her fingers follow the other side of his leg till she got to his side, she let her mind mull over the words. The dragon had a lot to say on the topic and as Prontin began to realize exactly what he was talking about, she was beginning to wonder if she was completely comfortable with the conversation.

R’gar liked her. Did that mean he had considered her as more than a friend? From the way the dragon spoke, it sounded that despite R’gar ‘liking’ her he was keeping his distance. The idea of a man liking her beyond friendship, well it put a strange feeling in her stomach and made it flutter. It also made her sad. If R’gar was refusing to admit it, to let her know himself instead of his dragon… there must be a reason. Twenty three turns she had never found herself in such a predicament, but she could not help but wonder if it was because of her inability to see. There would always be things that she would be unable to do in her life, she had always considered having someone as more than a friend one of those.

“If it has been professionalism that has kept him so kind to me, I do not mind it. I would rather someone be professional with me than outright unkind. Sure, it can get a little lonely at times – and it will probably get more lonely now that I realize he is being professional and not friendly like I had first thought, but I cannot force him to change, Apollath.” She spoke much softer, closer to a whisper hoping the dragon she was standing next to could still hear her yet a part of her was hoping R’gar was still far enough away to not make it all out. It did sting a little to learn the friend she had thought she had made was just doing his duty and perhaps not really a friend at all.

She had just reached the wing joints and had stepped underneath them, but her hands had stopped moving and simply rested on the brown’s side. She was beginning to lose her curiosity as the conversation continued and while she was not sure if she would ever get another chance to continue her exploring she was hesitant to continue. Maybe she was overstepping the line to ask the dragon rather than the rider if she could see him.

R’gar thinks I’m pretty. Her stomach fluttered again at that even as her eyes closed and she leaned her forehead against the dragon, taking a deep breath of his scent. But he refuses to tell me or think it’s appropriate? She wanted to turn to R’gar and tell him that if it was so inappropriate to think her pretty, why bother being nice to her at all? Even the blind had feelings despite being unable to see. Even if it never went any further, it would have been nice to hear. She could feel her own face all day long, but she had felt so few other people’s faces that she had nearly nothing to compare it to.

[Marnark]

Apollath shifted his head to the side, watching Prontin. You misunderstand me. Mine would never be mean to you. Even if you were not occasionally his to care for as a Healer. Mine is certainly friendly with you, and he likes your company. But it also bothers him. Only in that he thinks he cannot tell you what he really thinks. It makes mine awkward at best, and instead of resolving it, he just leaves the situation. Mine is silly, please forgive him. he told her. If this bothers you, if you don't want his attention in such a way, just say so. Put an end to it. for it was always possible that some females did not like certain males chasing them. Her preference was just as important as His' apparent confused, hidden infatuation. If a friend is all you want, that you can have. Mine would never stop being your friend. He is your friend. He wishes only the best for you.

Really, why couldn't his rider say these things to her? Why did he have to tell her? It didn't seem to be going over very well, and in hindsight Apollath considered that maybe His had been right in not telling her?

Apollath was very interested when she finally said something ... without using her voice. His eyes swirled a new color, of amused approval. She was learning. Yes, mine does think you are pretty. And you are. he confirmed. He thinks his duties as a Healer overshadow all else, and since he has been your Healer, he considers it to overshadow that as well. Somehow, he thinks being your Healer is more important than anything else he might express, making everything else wrong to express. So ... he considers it inappropriate. I think this is a paradigm he got from his teachers. I can't imagine where else he would have got it.

R'gar sighed as silence fell over the two, Prontin nearly completely concealed within the curls of Apollath, who was clearly still talking to her. Getting to his feet, he straightened his shirt and walked over to them. Resting a hand on Apollath's headknob, he watched her, leaning her head on the Brown's side. She didn't look happy at all. She'd been fairly happy before, why did the idiot dragon have to ruin that with the truth? Truth that she clearly didn't approve of.

But, again, he wasn't even sure what exactly Apollath was telling her. Beyond the obvious bits of liking her and thinking she was pretty. Normal people could do that and not be actually interested in someone. So clearly there was more being said. "Prontin?" R'gar asked, not really sure where to go. There was too much he didn't know. But she was clearly not happy with the conversation.

[Lady Smara]

Listening to Apollath, she had to pause and think about what she had said out loud and what she had been thinking. She was almost certain that she had not said the last part out loud, yet the dragon had responded to it. Chewing her lower lip as she listened to the dragon, she was too distracted to hear R’gar move closer. Apollath had a strong viewpoint on a lot of things Prontin had never considered before.

Hearing her name called out by R’gar’s colorful baritone, she lifted her forehead from Apollath and turned her head in his new direction. There was concern in his voice and she found her thoughts still on the dragons words. The more she considered it the more she couldn’t help but agree with the dragon – It seemed silly that he could not tell her she was pretty just because he was a healer.

“Yes, R’gar?” she answered, unable to keep the slight smile from beginning to spread on her lips. Leaning against the brown, she put her cheek to his hide and listened to his heartbeat for a moment. “You know, R’gar. I would not be offended if you said I was pretty.” She said quietly. Perhaps it was all due to his fear of how she might react rather than his teachers? She had heard of many Healers having family’s and lovers. It seemed even stranger to her that a Dragonrider would hold himself back, so few did around the Weyr.

Lifting her head off the brown again, she kept one hand on the dragon as she moved back towards its head and closer to R’gar. It was his scent that she was able to pick up on to tell she was finally getting close. Pausing in her steps as she did not wish to bump into him, she turned her head upwards knowing he was taller than her. He thinks I’m pretty and I don’t even know what his face looks like… She thought to herself, unaware that she was in fact thinking out-loud to the dragon. She was torn if now would be an appropriate time to ask to see his face, or if it would be alright and in her place to simply reach up and find out.

[Marnark]

R'gar had no idea what to say now that he had her attention. Maybe he should apologize? For what, exactly? He still didn't know what they were talking about. What could he say? As a result, he was left with nothing to say now that he had her attention. Nothing that wouldn't be totally foolish anyway. And foolish just was not his bent. Instead he opted to just stay silent until he had something constructive to say. Though, this only allowed him to get distracted by that smile of hers. She was smiling again ... maybe things had resolved themselves? Just what were they talking about anyway?

"Is Apollath bothering you?" R'gar asked. But then he faltered when she said her piece. "I didn't think you would?" He offered. "I just ... ahh." R'gar pulled in a breath, trying to figure out what to say. How to say it? It was made even more awkward, given how they had originally met, even. During a queenflight, of all things. "I didn't want to make you think I was ..." What? Interested? Because he certainly was. Lewd was more correct, but it wasn't right either. Uncouth was closer, but he couldn't use it. "I didn't want to bother you." R'gar offered finally, lamely. It was as close as he could get, and it was true. To a point.

She had an uncanny notion of navigation. R'gar didn't understand how she did it, or how she had develloped it at all. But she came toward him, somehow managing to miss stepping on any of Apollath's bits, and ... well ... she got sharding close to him but stopped before colliding with him. Just inches away. R'gar looked at her, but didn't move away. It was also interesting how she still tried to turn her sightless eyes on things even though she couldn't see.

That is very true, Prontin. Apollath agreed. For a moment he considered sending her what he saw, of them standing so close together. But at the same time, he didn't want to frighten her. Pictures were something he was sure she had never seen before, much less the concept of so much color. So he refrained. Now you are being as silly as Mine. Why not just say so? Why not ask? Apollath inquired. Really, he was pretty sure that if they'd just give up and fly, they'd be a lot happier. But then, that was his dragonish simplistic view.

[Lady Smara]

Prontin found herself tilting her head to her left shoulder as she listened to R’gar struggle over his statement. He was attempting to explain something, perhaps why he had not mentioned that he had thought her as pretty, but the attempt was a feeble one. She heard something in his voice and while it colored it, she could not quite place her finger on it. Was he confused or embarrassed? She could not be sure but in the end, his attempt at an explanation only left her confused herself.

Hearing Apollath speak up in her mind once more, she blinked and turned her head toward the brown she still held one hand upon. She was very confident that she had not spoken outloud that time, she would not have said that while standing right in front of R’gar. Mouth opening and closing twice, she finally shook her head and turned her face upwards again. This time her cheeks a little rosy.

“I do not think your thoughts are the only ones Apollath hears.” She said, a little embarrassed. Thankfully, and possibly to the brown dragon’s relief, she finally took a hint he had been attempting to toss at her. “R’gar… I have had the pleasure of meeting and seeing Imp, a well mannered runner and now Apollath, but I have not brought myself to ask if I could see you…”

Biting her lower lip, she paused wondering if she wanted to just leave that as a statement or actually finish her question. Her stomach fluttered again and her face was still warm when she made up her mind. “Do you mind if I do?”

[Marnark]

Apollath crooned, clearly amused, lifting his head up over the two and shifting how he was laying to tuck his shoulders up under himself again. R'gar just gave her a strange look at her statement, and then smiled slightly. "Yes, if you were talking to him, and then had a directed clear though, he would hear that too. Its called projection, I believe. Most of my talk to Apollath is done that way." He clarified. Though he could really begin to wonder what it was she was thinking, if realizing that she was being heard had turned her cheeks rosy. It was a good color for her though, giving her complexion something other than the paleness she usually had.

But her next statement ... and then question ... gave him pause. Should he let her? He was partly honored that she wished to see him, but partly concerned as well. Especially now that she knew what he thought of her. It was awkward at best, where as if she'd asked only a candlemark ago he wouldn't have thought twice about it. But it wouldn't be polite at all to tell her no. But some part of how she phrased that request piqued his interest as well. "You haven't brought yourself to that? Why?" He asked. If she could ask him such probing questions, he saw no reason why he couldn't do the same in turn.

"But, no. I do not mind if you do." He answered. It was not only her phrasing, but also her expression. Something was lurking there, and he didn't know what. Vaguely he wondered if she knew that expressions on her face could give away her thoughts. Especially since she did not see expressions unless she just so happened to be touching someone's face. Which ... sounded like it wasn't very often. It was like a window into her mind that she didn't realize was wide open ... and somehow that thought made him feel very indecent for it.

[Lady Smara]

As the dragon began to shift, Prontin felt the movement and dance of his muscles beneath her hand. Having moved back up to Apollath’s head with R’gar, however, she found herself no longer able to reach his warm hide once had had lifted his head above the two of them. Continuing to hold her hand out for a moment, Prontin realized that support was not coming back and brought that hand back to her side. It took a moment for R’gar to answer her question and it was just long enough for her to wonder if she had overstepped her bounds. His reply, once it came, however, was full of curiosity and… amusement? Either way, his baritone voice did not sound upset over it.

Bringing her hands together in front of her stomach, she played with her own fingers for a moment deciding the best way to answer his question. “No, I have not brought myself to ask it. Recognizing faces use to be a game with my family that we would play when I was a child, but as I grew older I realized it could be awkward for others.” And it had been. Sure, a few people had let her see their faces, but many others found the way she searched them too invasive and sometimes too intimate.

“I realized that when the older I grew the longer a pause of silence I would receive whenever I asked. People have enough reason to be uncomfortable around me and avoid me, why chase them away?” Her face had lowered as she spoke, giving her explaination. She was now looking blindly at his chest her mind partially distracted with the memories of her early attempts to learn the people of the Weyr. It was in her later attempts she had found voices and smells to be much more appropriate.

Upon hearing his acceptance, her stomach fluttered again. Keeping her head level, she put her attention solely to her hands and nothing else. Moving them forward slowly, she found his stomach much closer than she had realized. Lightly, so that she would not disrupt his shirt, she let both hands slide upwards until she found his shoulders. Bringing them together she first found his collar bone and his neck. It was there she started, finding skin beneath her fingers.

Little circles, almost as if she were giving him a massage, she explored the muscles in his neck lightly, finding the hairline in the back and taking a moment to feel his slowly drying hair and recognize its length. Eventually she found his jaw line and followed it, first one direction then the next.

[Marnark]

Well shards. That hadn't occurred to him either. R'gar was realizing more and more that not just anyone could be blind and succeed. Only the strong and the smart. Which she seemed to be, even if she didn't appear it to most. Her strength of character was ... amazing.

R'gar held as naturally still as he could when she touched him, her fingers wandering over his skin. At least she wasn't being so light that it tickled. That would have bothered him more than anything, to have to submit and endure tickling for an indefinite period. But no, she didn't tickle. It was almost as if she was feeling musculature as well as skin and shape.

All that didn't mean it wasn't still affecting him though. Logically, he knew she was only seeing, with her fingers. But the rest of him was taking it as a whole other message. Every where she touched his skin, it felt like warm fire lingered in her wake. R'gar made an effort to ignore it, but it was very difficult.

Shards, he needed to get away from her. But decorum prevented him just that. Patiently, he waited in silence for her. Hopefully this wouldn't take too long. Because it was steadily getting harder to not either break away, or touch her in return. Really, this sort of thing was not wired to be just simple sight.

Apollath just sat there and watched the two of them, fully aware of the thoughts and feelings and urges roaring around inside His. He was still mystified at R'gar's reaction, though. Humans always made things so very complicated, and he just didn't understand why.

[Lady Smara]

Fingers finally explored beyone the strong jaw bone to brush across smooth cheeks. Letting her thumbs cross over that smooth skin a few times as she cupped his face gently, she moved next to his ears as she tucked his hair behind them. Everyone had diffrently shaped ears of diffrent sizes, so she took a moment on these too carefully painting them into the textures she was drawing in her mind.

Leaving the palm of her hand on the sides of his face, she let her thumbs wander back to follow his cheek bones around and up to his thick eyebrows, careful to not yet touch his eyes. She felt their high arch and wandered over his forehead before moving back down to his broad nose. That too was complex and she spent a moment there.

Finally her fingers glided across his cheeks again to trace across his lips. They had a diffrent structure than her own and were the softest part of his face she had found yet. Lightening her touch to barely a flutters kiss, she slowly traced a long finger across their gentle curve.

[Marnark]

R'gar was having a hard time of it all by himself, but when Apollath started niggling in the back of his mind, subtly prompting and shoving, it was even harder for him. Manipulated and not even aware of it yet (if he ever found out at all), R'gar finally moved, lifting his hands to touch her own sightless face ever so gently.

He hesitated a moment, but with a tiny nudge from Apollath, it was all she wrote. He leaned down toward her despite her hands, lifting her chin as he kissed her ever so gently. For that briefest of moments, he didn't even care if it earned him a slap directly afterward.

Really, there was no thought involved in the action at all - if there had been, he probably wouldn't have done it at all. As it stood, it had taken his getting shoved by Apollath to get him to even consider it. Later on he would probably regret it, understanding there would be no undoing actions done, and no way of saving face - especially if it went badly. Which, given his paradigm, there wasn't much of any way it could go well.