The sting of defeat (Raelwyn)

[HG]

As the Flight continued, D'seus managed to round up the dragon healers and meet them at the Dragon Infirmary. They reached the large cave at about the same time as Zorometh half glided, half fell into the infirmary. The Bronze was putting on a brave face but there was a distinct difference in the color of his hide to anyone who saw him. The grayish tinge was frightening to his rider who was keeping himself as calm as possible. They will numb it and then stitch it up. You will be better in no time. D'seus said in encouragement. All thoughts of the Flight were gone from his mind. The only thing that mattered was that Zorometh survived.

The Dragon Healers were quick to get to work. Their biggest concern was the amount of ichor, Zorometh had lost. He would need to drink a lot of water to keep his body hydrated to make more ichor. It feels numb now. There is a dull ache but not like before. Are they stitching it now? Nah, they have to wash it out with some redwort to keep it from becoming infected. Then they will begin stitching. The dragon's mind voice was as strong as ever despite his appearance.

There was a good chance he would be alright but that did not comfort D'seus enough to think about leaving the Bronze. D'seus spent the rest of the day, over night and into the next day before someone even offered to bring him some klah. He rejected the klah because he had nothing in his stomach and wouldn't want to upset it. That and he thought about sending a drudge to get him some food as soon as he was sure Zorometh was alright.

The dragon stirred a little in his sleep now and again. Nothing seemed to have gone wrong with the surgery so far. His color had already improved though he was not quite the same as usual. Now that he was not as worried he had time to think about what had happened. His biggest concern outside of Zorometh was Raelwyn. Flights were not usually so unpredictable. He knew everyone expected Zorometh to win. Now things were complicated. Much too complicated. Should he choose even to think things through right now it might upset Zorometh in his sleep which was something he mustn't do to the healing beast.

No one could exactly say how long D'seus stood in one place staring off as if he were far away. It could have been one candlemark or two or three. The fact of the matter was, D'seus was not himself any more than his Bronze was. Until Zorometh was awake he refused to think about what was going on now. He emptied his mind of the flight and the consequences of it. Instead he reached his own inner peace with the world. Nothing as trivial as a Flight was worth losing Zorometh over and if thinking about it might make him worse, no one could convince D'seus he was going about things the wrong way.

[firethorne]

It was still morning when Raelwyn made her way to the infirmary, having seen the new Weyrleader off to begin his duties and then freshening up a bit afterward. She had taken a very, very quick bath after A'lez left, and had swiftly dressed, making the weyrhall her first stop. The blonde had a feeling that D'seus had not eaten a thing since the Flight, likely too worried about his bronze to even leave his side. Aeriath confirmed the Wingleader was still there, and Raelwyn was quickly weaving through the halls, a tray in her hands full of food and a hot pitcher of klah. The Weyrwoman had not tarried any longer than was absolutely necessary, only waiting to see that the new Weyrleader had a pleasant first morning. As desperately as she wanted to see the bronzerider, she was also sympathetic to A'lez, and she knew that rushing him out of her weyr as soon as the guy woke up was just...rude.

Still. She wanted to see D'seus. She had to see D'seus. She was worried sick for the man and his bronze, and more than that, she was extremely apprehensive about how their relationship would perhaps change. She didn't want it to...but she needed to talk to the Wingleader. Would he feel differently? Entering the large infirmary, the Weyrwoman made her way to the dragonhealing cove, pausing as her eyes settled upon the sleeping form of Zorometh. Her face smoothed into a gentle, sympathetic smile, though seeing him so injured tugged at her heart. She had already asked her maid to retrieve a report on him this morning, reading it while A'lez was bathing, and though she knew that he would live, it still made her ache to think of what had happened.

Glancing over, Raelwyn's emotions suddenly rushed into overdrive as she spotted the Wingleader, staring off as if he was hundreds of dragonlengths away. And who could blame him? Moving forward, the Weyrwoman sat the tray down on one of the tables nearby quietly, moving to his side. "Hey." She said softly, reaching out to touch the man's shoulder gently. "How are you holding up?" Running her hand down the bronzerider's arm, Raelwyn closed her fingers about his, her green eyes trying to meet his, the emerald depths full of worry and affection. "Come on, I've brought you something to eat." With a little smile, the queenrider stepped away, taking the lid off the tray she brought and setting out the food. "You haven't eaten since yesterday, have you?" The blonde asked gently, pouring one the mugs full of hot klah. "I know you were too worried to leave Zorometh."

Yes, she knew him. She knew that he wouldn't have left, even just long enough to eat, and Raelwyn also knew that he was thinking about the Flight, just as she was. Waiting for D'seus to join her, the Weyrwoman took a seat beside him, her eyes wandering to the slumbering bronze nearby. "I read Zorometh's health report this morning. Everything looks promising." The woman said softly, turning to face D'seus again. With that, the goldrider fell silent, inwardly tortured. She wanted to ask so many things. Did he think of her differently? Would things change? Did he still...want her? Yet, Raelwyn asked none of these things, knowing that it would be selfish to ask the bronzerider to answer such things when he and his dragon had been through such an ordeal. Instead, the blonde smiled gently. "I can understand if you would like to be left alone right now, D'seus, so I'll go if you wish it. Otherwise...is there anything I can do?" Her voice was quiet and tender, and though her eyes clearly said that she wanted to stay, that she wanted to be with the Wingleader right now, she would honor whatever choice he made.

[HG]

He kept his thoughts at bay while his dragon continued in his rest. They did say he would rest more than usual not only because of the flight but because healing required more rest. He did wish the dragon would wake already so that he could think about what it would be like not being Weyrleader anymore. Although, truth be told, he would be glad of the break. Now he would have time to collect his thoughts and challenge his Wing more. Even conducting interviews for the thirty five Weyrlings would be time consuming.

As someone touched his shoulder, D'seus vaguely heard the voice that went along with it. At first he thought he was imagining her voice but once he was fully cognizant of what was going on around him he knew she was real. Faranth, she could be a dream woman she was so beautiful. D'seus smiled to her as she stood next to him, not winning her flight was disappointing for many reasons although mostly because he had enjoyed their time together. Not so much because he enjoyed all the work that went along with that position. His fingers closed around hers gently as he turned to meet her green eyes. “Good morning.” He said with a smile, she was the last person he thought to see today. If Zorometh woke up now, it was not entirely his own fault.

“Now that he's getting his color back I'm feeling a lot better.” D'seus indicated the sleeping Bronze. How much longer would he sleep? He really could use some emotional support right about now. Not everyone had their ex-Weyrmate come and check on them the day after a Flight. Raelwyn was obviously concerned and with good reason. Seeing as he had not moved from this spot in many candlemarks. The Healers might have sent for her at the rate he was going. He really just did not think she would come here. The shock would wear off and they would be able to talk about things. Although the circumstances were not her fault and mostly he blamed himself for not remembering to keep an eye on where that new Bronze was. He had a feeling she was feeling a bit guilty. Something he wanted to excuse her from feeling. Flights were dangerous, everyone knew that.

He gave her hand a little squeeze, “Thank you.” And where he would have used an endearment he felt uncertain whether he should or not. Maybe she and A'lez were going to start a relationship now. Raelwyn was not known to keep men around who didn't win Aeriath's Flights. Still he knew his own feelings went deeper than he ever thought to feel for any woman. “Breakfast smells wonderful.” All the while looking at her, he felt she was nervous about what to do and say just as he was. If he could tell her everything in his heart she would then be able to reject or accept him. However, he was not sure he could do it just now.

Sitting down across from her, he felt his stomach rumble. “You never realize how hungry you are until someone puts good food in front of you. It was very sweet of you to think of me this morning of all mornings.” D'seus said hoping he was not being as formal sounding as he should be. “Yes, he'll be grounded for a little while. However I think that will give me time to get to interviewing those Weyrlings of ours and also working out some new Wing Formations.” He was still a Wingleader. “Zorometh is a strong Bronze. He did the right thing. Flying back here immediately. Although we really should have been paying attention to where that other Bronze was, especially after that warning Aeriath gave him.”

The food was warm as he ate. This morning the bronzerider felt like he could eat the mountain that Zorometh crashed into. Every so often he took a sip of klah. Despite the shadows under his eyes from not sleeping he was quite awake and aware of what was going on around him. Something was bothering her and it wasn't Zorometh's accident. “What's troubling you my love?” He used the pet name out of habit. Although he was in no rush to deny saying it. If it was how he felt about her then she could reprimand him for saying it or let it be. Either way he was allowed to love where he saw fit, no one could tell him otherwise.

[firethorne]

That smile. It made much of the worry in her heart fade away, but not all of it. Raelwyn had to smile back, a gentle, soft expression, and she felt a rush of affection as his fingers squeezed hers. Though, her eyes did wander to the bronze as he was mentioned, and a cold little knot formed in her stomach. She could only imagine how D’seus must have felt yesterday, how he must have worried when his dragon was struck. And where had she been? Indisposed…utterly so. She wasn’t there for him, and he had borne it all alone. Worse still was the small, icy whisper in the back of her mind telling the Weyrwoman that this was all her fault. Zorometh would not have been injured if she had forced her gold to stay away from the mountains, would he? Yes, Raelwyn had been completely caught up her dragon’s emotions, riding the same high as Aeriath was, but she was still a queenrider. She should have had enough sense about herself to realize that danger of flitting about those mountains. How could she have allowed this to happen?

His next words, however, did manage to bring a little smile to her lips, and the Weyrwoman pushed her dismayed thoughts aside for the moment. There were many things that she wanted to say, to ask, but right now was not the time. D’seus had enough on his plate, and honestly, so did she, and her uncertainties would just have to wait until later. “You’re welcome.” She replied, leaving off any sort of affectionate term, just as he had. She wasn’t certain if he wanted to hear those from her at the moment, and though yes, she was a goldrider and as strong-willed as they came, Raelwyn was also a woman – a woman in love, and uncertain if her lover still wanted her.

Still. She smiled fully this time, laughing softly. “It’s not the first time I’ve had to put the food right under your nose to get your attention, D’seus. You are a single-minded wingleader.” Raelwyn’s tone was gently teasing, though the intimacy of them hurt a bit. She continued to smile, however, shaking her head slightly at his words. The goldrider wanted to reply, but she could not find the words to, and instead her gaze travelled to the slumbering dragon, silent until the bronzerider spoke again. Scowling darkly, the woman switched her suddenly burning green regard back to D’seus. “That bronze should have been paying attention to where he was.” The Weyrwoman grated out darkly, her eyes flashing. “It’s a good thing Zorometh is so intelligent, returning to the weyr as quickly as he did, or I would have that rider’s head. If anything had happened to him, to you, I would…” Here Raelwyn trailed off, and she felt her cheeks redden softly at her little outburst, and she cleared her throat sheepishly. “Well, I would have been very unhappy with the two of them, to put it mildly.” She intoned, reliving that part of the Flight.

She remembered her queen’s great anger at the bronze as he had neared her too soon, how she had whirled and shoved him away from her savagely, and Realwyn had, in turn, given his rider the same treatment. The fool…the fool. Aeriath had been furious with the dragon, but she had not harmed him greatly, much to the woman’s surprise. Her gold could be vicious, and as angry as she was, the Weyrwoman had though the bronze would garner much harsher treatment.

Pulled from her thoughts by the bronzerider’s voice, Raelwyn felt a sharp lance through her heart at the use of her pet name. Was it just habit, or did he still want her? She was still uncertain about baring her heart to him, but she wanted to answer him. Desperately. Meeting his gaze, the Weyrwoman sighed softly. “The Flight. Zorometh. You.” She answered quietly, trying to keep from disturbing the bronze. The poor dear needed his rest. “If I had only ordered Aeriath away from those mountains, Zorometh wouldn’t have gotten hurt, D’seus. This is as much my fault as it that bronze’s.” Shaking her head, the blonde stood, taking a step away from the table to hide her anguished expression. “And Zorometh would have won. I know that. Aeriath wanted Zorometh and I…” She hesitated, then altered her words, “And I know that you would still be Weyrleader, and Zorometh would be hale and hearty. And I wouldn’t have to wonder where you and I stand.” The words all came out in a rush, but a soft rush, and Raelwyn was silent afterward, staring at the ground and wondering why she had just put even more of a burden on an already troubled man. Was she that selfish?

[HG]

The Bronzerider felt an ease come over him as he began to eat. Her presence and forethought to bring him something to eat were enough to keep him sitting there not pacing around his dragon till the Bronze woke. Listening to what she was saying his eyes lifted. “Now now, I'm not the only one here who has to be pried away from work with food.” Truth be told they were both great at working but not so good at realizing when they'd had enough of work and needed a break. It was nice having someone who cared about you enough to keep you from working yourself to death. Not that Zorometh would ever let him get so bad as that.

Her outburst though unexpected, made him grin. “Yes, well he gets the intelligence from me.” With a wink he went about finishing some more of the food on his plate. “Zorometh and I were foolish not to keep an eye out for him. Although honestly, Flights are dangerous. There was nothing anyone could do. Not even you or Aeriath. The Mountain made things exciting for her and her pursuers. There is nothing, I repeat nothing you or anyone else could have done about it. Please, do not blame yourself.” He wanted her to understand that neither he nor Zorometh were angry at anyone. If anything this would teach them to pay better attention to where the other Bronzes were.

She was uneasy still and when she set about to answer his question, he realized how very confused she was. Had he made things worse? D'seus hoped not as he thought about where the emotions were coming from when she spoke. His eyes had met hers now. It took him all of three seconds to stand up and move over to where she stood. Wrapping his arms around her as if to protect her from the world, he responded to her nervousness the only way he could given the situation. There was only one way to go from here. He had to tell her his feelings which was a considerable task for a man known for his womanizing. Sure he had been in relationships before, even thought he had been in love before. No one from his past ever made him feel this way before and so he knew, he'd never truly been in love before.

Arms still wrapped about her, he gently kissed her forehead before saying, “I'm going to be honest here and you can decde afterward what you need to do for yourself. I do not want you to think about my feelings when you make this decision. If I don't tell you now what you need to know then I will regret it forever.” Deep breath. He told himself as he did what he was thinking. Finally the words reached his tongue and he could speak them although he was afraid of being rejected. “Raelwyn, I love you.” He paused realizing that he was slightly trembling from his own admission.

“I know how difficult it was for you last night. I've been doing my best not to think about the emotions connected with this flight, worried that it might affect Zorometh's recovery. I've come to the conclusion that while winning the flight would have been nice, it does not change what I feel for you. “ He breathed in the smell of her hair and wondered what exactly she would say to this. He was more nervous than he even predicted he could be. “How we stand, this is something that is in your power to decide and not mine.” Which made all of this more difficult for him. Her feelings were the ones he was afraid may have changed. Aeriath had never been flown by the same dragon twice as far as he knew and in his mind that also meant Raelwyn never felt much for the riders.